olaf47: (Default)
[personal profile] olaf47
Title: i would say i'm doing just fine (i would lie and say that you're not on my mind)
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother (!!!)
Characters/Pairing: Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Ted Mosby, Barney/Robin
Rating: R
Timeline: Post-7.10
Summary: He doesn’t believe in heartbreak and he’s enjoying the simple things in life and he is awesome.
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. The words are.





Barney is fine.

He’s fine.

He’s awesome, actually. As usual. He’s Barney Stinson—of course, he’s awesome.

He doesn’t need Robin. He doesn’t need anyone. He’s Barney Stinson.

So what if Robin is also awesome? So what if she’s the only woman he’s ever seen himself with long term? Lily’s stupid porch test is stupid. Why should he care who he could be on a porch with in fifty years when he could be caring about who he could be in a bed with in ten minutes?

He stopped believing in heartbreak when he cut off his ponytail and bought his first suit. If he accepted that it was real, he’d have to be heartbroken over everything. He never knew his dad growing up, which is sad enough, he supposes, but what about the kids who never know their dad? What about the kids who have their dad taken from them—by a heart attack or a war or a driver who’s not paying enough attention? What about dads who have their kid taken from them? What about too many things in the world to list?

If he’s heartbroken over anything, it’s Ted’s desperation for “true love” and his inability to understand how awesome it is to be single.

People always talk about how you should enjoy the simple things in life. He doesn’t get why they don’t stop talking about it and start actually doing it. That’s what he does. He’s too busy being awesome for heartbreak.

He’ll admit that he spends a fair amount of time trying to convince the rest of the gang that his way is better than theirs, that they should all be enjoying scotch and cigars and laser tag and suits and sex. But he spends most of his time actually enjoying them instead of talking about it. Robin understood that.

It’s the same when it comes to women. Sure, he could pull a Ted, and waste his time hoping for and talking about and trying to meet the perfect woman. Or he could actually be living his way through all the imperfect women. The perfect woman doesn’t exist. Everyone has a “but…”, even Robin. Now she’s got another, actually: but she has a boyfriend she won’t leave, not for Barney.

Anyway.

There are too many beautiful two-t butts out there for him to sit around whining about a girl.

-

No matter what anyone says, he has some standards. Usually. He uses girls that don’t meet them to try new gimmicks on—many of which don’t work. Now, though, he stops trying new things. He stops having any criteria or benchmark past “hot enough.”

His success rate skyrockets.

He tries not to look at the gang when he’s hitting on someone, but sometimes he slips up. Lily always has the disappointed teacher look, Marshall’s caught somewhere between awe and disgust. Ted, like any good wingman, plays at being uninterested, but is always ready to swoop in for the save. Robin never looks up. And it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t affect Barney. Kevin’s arm curving around her back has nothing to do with why he decides to take this girl to the bathroom instead of home. He’s always been a love ’em and leave ’em type—the cycle is just speeding up lately.

-

Robin walks in on him once, on his knees in the handicap stall of the women’s bathroom, Lauren’s or Leslie’s or Lisa’s legs over his shoulders. Right. He knew there was a reason he didn’t usually do this in the handicap stall—the lock is loose. She stares longer than is anywhere near acceptable, and Louann disentangles herself from him, straightens her dress, and races from the bathroom. Barney absolutely does not think about staying where he is and pulling Robin toward him by her hips.

“I’m surprised you’d do that,” she says as he gets to his feet. “Isn’t the floor going to get your suit dirty?”

He grins. “It’s getting old. Thought I’d take it out for one last hurrah. What up?”

Her face is devoid of any emotion. She high fives him anyway. Her hand is clammy.

-

Ted shows up at his apartment one morning after a successful night at MacLaren’s.

“I wish you had come earlier,” Barney says. “She already left, but a fake boyfriend would have been a much more fun escape route.”

“What are you doing?”

He yawns instead of replying—last night was a work out.

“You really think this is the best way to get over Robin?” Ted asks.

For a moment, Barney considers asking Ted what the hell he knows about getting over Robin, since he’s clearly done such a good job of it, but instead he rolls his eyes.

“I’m not looking for ways to get over anyone. Getting under them on the other hand…” he trails off with a grin.

Ted sighs and leaves without saying goodbye.

-

Barney is fine. He’s awesome. He doesn’t believe in heartbreak and he’s enjoying the simple things in life and he is awesome.

He doesn’t need—

He’s just awesome, okay?



Date: 2012-02-06 11:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] klutzy-girl.livejournal.com
I loved this. Poor Barney - Being in denial seems very plausible. And I'm glad Ted called him out on it!

Great fic.

Date: 2012-02-07 04:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likebrightness.livejournal.com
Thanks, sweets!

Date: 2012-02-06 09:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brandyleigh.livejournal.com
This was great! I loved the insight into Barney's head, how he lies to even himself, over and over again, in an attempt to stay in denial and ignore the hurt. I loved his interactions with Robin and Ted here.

Date: 2012-02-07 04:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likebrightness.livejournal.com
Denial's just so much easier. Thank you!

Date: 2012-02-06 11:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meanderling.livejournal.com
Fantastic. Love how you wrote Barney's voice. All I can see in my head is NPH as Dr. Horrible staring at the camera. "And I don't feel...a thing."

Date: 2012-02-07 04:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likebrightness.livejournal.com
That is so sweet but makes me have sad Dr. Horrible feels. :(

Date: 2012-02-07 12:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ninth-lady.livejournal.com
Glad I'm not the only person who thinks of that as a BrOTP song! :)

Excellent fic.

Date: 2012-02-07 04:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likebrightness.livejournal.com
100% a song for them. I've been wanting to write a fic using it as a title for a while. Glad you liked it! ♥

Date: 2012-02-07 06:30 am (UTC)
notalwaysweak: Rainbow rose with words 'love as thou wilt' below in white lettering (Default)
From: [personal profile] notalwaysweak
Oh, poor Barney. This is a really well written look into his head.

Date: 2012-02-08 03:40 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-02-15 11:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dirklover23.livejournal.com
This was really great :D

Date: 2012-02-23 11:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likebrightness.livejournal.com
Thank you! Ugh, your userpic gives me so many feelingsssssssss

Date: 2012-02-22 10:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eowynera.livejournal.com
After the last episode, this actually broke my heart but loved it. :) Really cute actually, you've really written Barney so well

Date: 2012-02-23 11:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likebrightness.livejournal.com
Thanks, sweets! ♥

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